To introduce myself my name is Evangeline. Though I have many nicknames such as; Eva and Angel. I've spent most of my life unmotivated and depressed. In just one year I completely changed my life. I'm not here to lecture you or sell you on how to do that.
I looked in the mirror one day, exactly a year ago today and realized I was miserable and slowly dying. I began my transformation by going no contact with my narcissistic mother. I picked mother's day because she did teach me one thing, how to hurt others. I think that's why I got so comfortable being known a s a 'bitch.'
Some people think it's an insult, some people hate being categorized this way and find the term cruel. Valid. To me, I take pride in this. I am a bitch. A bitch who knows what she finally wants out of life and that's everything. It started with the way I dressed.
So much bothered me about my life. I put no effort in the way I looked. I had no friends, no plans ever and had a job that gave me a terrible paycheck. I visualized who I wanted to be, my alter ego if you will. Who did I want the world to see me as? How did I want to see myself?
I began making lists, doom scrolling Pinterest and watching older girls give advice. I didn't adapt that well at first. I still ate way too much junk food, still got mad really easy and my face still breaks out from stress. I kept at it though. For once I didn't give up. I made new playlists and found new music that reignited my soul.
I started making plans and visiting places I kept saying later too. If not then when? I finally dyed my hair and purged my closet. Anything I didn't wear often or flattered my body type was thrown out. Slowly I've been finding my style. Sometimes I buy perfect pieces for me. Other days I change my mind and rid myself of those pieces too.
It's a slow process of figuring it out but it's important to keep showing up for yourself. To keep my cup full I rotate through many different hobbies. Some days I hit the gym, some my yoga mat. Recently I found girls who like to join me at the pool, where we bathe in the sun all morning.
I stopped hoarding money and buy myself things. I have a luxury list of all the expensive and nice things I want. I try to get one thing a month from this list. Just this week I got 'Gucci' perfume. I make myself tea and journal. I eat extra pasta and buy myself new bags simply because I like the color.
Since changing things about myself, more people notice me. I get more compliments and the unfortunate man asking for my number. More girls want to be my friend and get to know me. I look back in the mirror and find myself happy for the first time. I know I still have lot's of work to do.
Things I love right now:
- Magazine's
- London
- Coach bags
- Vintage clothes
- Art Deco furniture
- Yoga Y2k Vibe
- Pretending I live in the early 2000's
Music I love:
- 'Her's' Band
- 'Sicknote' Band
- 'I'm Getting Used to You' by Selena
- 'Julia Wolf'
- 'Sade'
- 'Yazida'
5 star books of 2026:
- 'Starlight' by Skye Lauren. A Peter Pan retelling, historical romance.
- 'Crying in the H-Mart' by Michelle Zauner. A memoir about parental loss.
- 'Creatures' by Crissy Van Meter. A fictional book of a girl with abandonment issues.
- 'Table for One: A Modern Love Story' by Emma Gannon. A woman navigating a break up and the loss of a life she was promised.
This week I'm trying to get back into the groove of regular life after visiting London. it was a spontaneous trip. Something I would have never done a year ago but it's who I am now. I'm the girl who wears heels to brunch, red lipstick on my cocktail napkins and spending a random Tuesday in May at Camden Market.
A year ago I was wearing the same pair of spiderman pj pants to bed six days a week if I remembered to wash them. Now I don't repeat outfits in the same week. My calendar is filled with plans and I've become a calm bitch. A bitch who craved peace so badly she carved this life with pure desperation and pain.
It all started with a simple list of how I wanted to be perceived and I luckily found happiness on the journey.
- For now,
Your Angel
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